There is no easy answer.  Children – and adults – are bullied regularly and in a variety of settings.  It’s impossible to a prescribe single solution for all circumstances.  But there are several little things you can do to help bully-proof your child.

Start with yourself.

Children learn from their parents.  They hear what we say to others, they watch how we react when something goes wrong, they emulate both the good and bad in us.

When we make snide comments about the neighbor or cuss at an inept driver, we are essentially telling our kids that’s an OK thing to do.

When we watch hateful programs on TV (sign boycott the Kardashians petition here), we are telling our kids that kind of base interaction between people is OK, too.

Now, I know it’s not easy to be parent – let alone a model parent.  None of us received any formal training and we don’t have all the answers. Chances are – though – you are parenting the same way your parents raised you.  And chances are you’ve inherited, either directly or indirectly, their behavioral traits.

Bottom line:  Be the kind of person you want your children to become.  You are the most important person in their lives.  Pay attention to the small stuff.  Give your kids a good, strong template for becoming good and strong.

I will change all that, starting today.  The funny thing about black belts is:  We’ve developed so much discipline and focus over the years, yet we often neglect to use those very skills outside the dojo.  And that – I think – is a tragedy.

So instead of pointing fingers, let me start with myself.  Let me see if I can summon the will to add a blog post 2-3 times per week.  I hope you’re reading this.  Hold me acceptable!

See you tomorrow??

We will escort students to/from the after school care program.

Tuition is $99/month. All students in the Smart Karate program at Waialae Elementary School are welcome to attend any class at our S Beretania dojo and any classes at our Kahala location.

Click here to enroll online.  Space is limited.

We will escort students to/from A-plus.

Tuition is $99/month. Students in the Smart Karate program at Ma’ema’e are welcome to attend any class at our S Beretania dojo and any classes at our Kahala location.

Click here to enroll online.  Space is limited.

Unfortunately, we parent the way our parents parented us. If you stop and listen to yourself while you’re talking to your kids, you may just hear your mom’s or dad’s voice – saying the same things you heard when you were a kid.

And that’s a problem when it comes to internet safety. We parents didn’t receive those parenting skills. Sure, we learned things like “Don’t talk to strangers”, but nothing like, “Don’t open spam email” and “Be careful phishing attacks.”

So here’s what your teen needs to know:

The internet can be a very dangerous place. You will get a lot of eye-rolling on this one. But the fact is, kids are too trusting, and the bad guys know that. They will con your kid faster than you can dial 911. Explain how the world isn’t always what it seems to be and how this is especially true on the internet. Ask your teen to stop and think: Can he/she really be sure the “Melissa” he/she met online the other day really is female? Probably not.

Pirating software is illegal. And it can cost you a lot in fines and legal fees when your teen gets caught. Yes, everyone does it. But if everyone raped and pillaged, would it be ok if we raped and pillaged, too? And just because no one is watching, does it make it ok to steal? Here’s what you can do: Bring your kid to 7-11, wait till the clerk is not looking, then tell your teen to shoplift. Chances are he/she will be repulsed by the idea. (If not, skip this column.)

Cyber bullying is also illegal. Terroristic threatening, character assassinations, hate crimes, etc. can also land your teen in jail and invite the evening news crew to your doorstep. In the comfort of our homes and especially closed bedroom doors, we are lulled into feeling no one is watching. We may even adopt false identities online to remain anonymous. Explain to your teen that all this is false. The truth is, we can uncover everything your teen does online. We can retrieve every email. We can find out what she has done. So don’t do anything stupid, unfair, unkind or illegal. Eventually people will find out.

It’s tough to erase that sexy MySpace pic. By this I mean, what you do online generally stays online long after you’ve done your best to delete it. I long for the old blackboard and chalk days when you could right something silly on the classroom’s blackboard and safely erase it before the teacher arrived. The internet is digital and – ironically – digital stuff is often very hard to get rid of because it propagates through the net so easily. Tell your teen not to do anything which may jeopardize 10 years from now a job interview, college application or marriage proposal.

One click can ruin a perfectly good computer. Well, it’s not as dramatic as that. But the truth is the internet, and sites catering to teens in particular, are rampant with viruses and other malicious software. And as I mentioned earlier in this column, teens are juicy online targets because they are generally too trusting AND because they typically feel utterly invincible. (We were that way, too, remember?) The message is this: Stay away from ghetto sites, delete all spam – don’t even open them up – avoid all links in emails, and don’t download anything. Period. Or you may have to bring your sick computer to one of service centers…

Sit down with your teen. Take an interest in what he is doing online. Use it to build an even better rapport with your child. And while you’re at it, be sure to outline very clearly what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior online. Your teen will actually appreciate the discipline.